What springs to mind when the word "simplifying" is thrown at you?
Over a dozen years ago I threw some books and clothing into a suitcase and moved to a foreign country. I needed very little, just basic hygiene stuff, work clothing, book, journal and I was "that" happy clam. A boyfriend convinced me that even if I was in a temporary place that I really " needed" more stuff. Accumulation began but still, way after that boyfriend was replaced I ended up finding the individual I would spend my life with, everything I had could fit into a few boxes on moving day...he on the other hand, had A LOT of stuff. Babies came and our home filled up with more things and we still lived our crazy single life in someways with the schedule and it all became " too much", so before third baby came I had resolved to " keep it simple" and like magic I was in a happy place . I already acknowledged my belief in small space living when we were beginning the process of house hunting. A certain lifestyle belief that brought me peace was being built, my cousin came from Canada and strengthened my decision to do this as he was and is much further along in not giving a rats ass what people think but deeply concerned about the print he was leaving on the environment. He was dazzled by my balcony garden and composter, the living space that was not huge but enough, the location that allowed me to walk everywhere, it was great to have an ally in what I felt was living more meaningfully. And then I had baby 3 and I found that what once gave me joy was a source of embarrassment and bother. Things went from crazy to dark. I barely knew how to survive and navigate. It took almost 3 years to climb out. And when I came out it was interesting to see what I had. It was like the realization I felt at 21 after my father died "I don't want to want anything". At 38, am not talking about minimalism, just talking about living simple and streamlined. I have a wonderful life and when everyday is a party, it is hard to appreciate it for what it is.
When I emerged from the dark place I saw how many friends I had on my journey with me, I saw a loyal partner who stuck with me and kids who I wanted to celebrate.
I also saw "too much". Too much ambivalence, too many obligations, too much physical stuff that took time away from my life, too many expectations. JUST TOO MUCH when the most peaceful moments, memorable moments were when we were functioning as a family of five in a hotel, discovering the world around us. Think about how much stuff you have when you stay in a hotel, very little is needed.
I am very blessed in some ways. Those 3 years were tough and I was given time and space to figure it out. Some of that required financial resources, we ate out A LOT, we traveled A LOT yet we never went into debt, I was never a big shopper but I did have the luxury to waste on useless stuff when I wanted to. Knowing the daily financial struggles of many I felt sick about how I wasted my resources. Ideally, to live happily on the national average would be much more responsible. I understand life is meant to be lived but the average annual income should be enough to do that and I feel a bit like a spoiled brat to want expensive material positions just because I can afford it. At a very young age, I saw the destruction of what "keeping up with the Joneses" does and it isn't pretty.
One final simplifying that must be addressed. The mind clutter that brought me to the danger- zone! This is when mindfulness comes in handy, quick acknowledgment of feelings, observing the small acts that make life grand. When living and working with others life is bound to have ups and downs so to focus on the detritus of the day instead of the treasures is only productive if it is to clean-up not to ruminate.
This journey restarted actually almost half a year ago but really started falling into place in the last couple of months. My husband was away last night and I sat on the couch listening to bickering kids and in my frustration said " off to bed". So we all clamored into bed together...who lies next to Mommy ensued and I had to take a deep breath. I popped son 3 (s3) on my chest and wrapped my arms around son 1 (s1) and son 2 ( s2) who served as wings. S2 quickly started his rounds in dreamland. S1 and s3 never sleep so quickly. And then s3 kisses me and says " I love you Mommy...I love you s1 he whispers", s1 whispers " I love you too and I love s2 too...I love Mommy and Papa too" " yes, I love s2 and papa too" s3 says with understanding and they snuggle closer unknowing that I was stunned at their innocent transaction. They always say The words to ME but I have never heard the boys say " I love you" to each other. It was a very thoughtful, meaningful "I love you".
Kids have it right, they can spend all day fluctuating between play and fights but at the end of the day to remember the love is all that matters.
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