Budgeting has become so empowering to me over the years that it is difficult to recall a time when I was not fully aware of our financial situation. Today, with gusto, I shared how I budget with a friend/ student. I was excited to motivate her to make a change that will alter her life. She asked me to do this last week so I was prepared for today...I thought. Even with my reassurances that if I can do it on a similar income with an extra child and the added expense of annual foreign travel she most certainly could do it too, she still left stricken with what looked like pain, fear, sadness and sickness.
Money can have an unbelievable grip on us and I forgot what it was like to have an extreme lack of control and to just be staring into an unknown abyss of expenditures. I "feel" like I have some control because I have my expenses all written out so clearly and so much savings is on auto pilot that even last year which had some pretty big splurges like renewing our vows in the Philippines, a solo trip to Singapore, my little sisters wedding in Canada and our trip back to the inlaws in Kyushu, plus consider the days in between were not short of luxuries like replacing my husbands lost wedding band and him buying me simple but-diamonds-non-the-less anniversary present, we managed to save at least 25 percent of our pre-tax income. This realization was incredibly unbelievable because I did decide to let loose and I never imagined we would emerge financially so well in 2013. I owe this relief to my budget. Even though I thought I had " let loose" I was already in the habit of cutting and saving in other areas to cushion any financial damage I was inflicting. Actually the word " damage " is inaccurate because there is no guilt to what I spent as I still was able to pull into 2014 in good condition financially and with our experiences in 2013 our relationships became even tighter with each other and with family and friends abroad.
So I have forgotten what it is like. The scariness of not understanding what money was coming in and going out. Wanting to give everything to my children in the present and at the expense of the family's future. Trust I have been there and by the grace of the universe was able to make my mistakes without ruining my family financially. I have stories, man do I have stories, but beneath my enthusiasm in this topic is humiliation that I don't need to go back to. I wish I could have openly shared stories with her and to my husband who doesn't totally get why this is important to me. But it is. It is very important. Please believe me that this is important. This single act can move the earth if we put value to it and were accountable to every coin spent.
The act of beginning a budget for me snowballed over time to this whole simplicity thing, to being more eco , questioning consumerism and has given me a stronger desire to live more responsibly. I am not a guru in any of these areas but I am happy with how far I have come along in my 9 year journey and get immense joy from the things mentioned.
I will see my friend again next week. I will gently ask her if she filled in the numbers to the budget we created together. For privacy I told her I needn't see her numbers. Part of me thinks that if she is overwhelmed I could help her much more if I did look at her calculations. I pointed her to areas that can be immediately shaved down when trying to balance her sheet and I hope she does and perseveres and continues.
Even though there were times and still may be times in the future that will have me pulling out my hair and crying with how to figure it all out I have always loved the problem solving game of it. Somehow, I have kept going and saved and given my family great experiences. If you are starting a budget let me reassure you that I HAVE BEEN THERE. You must be brave if you think you will be revealing a bad situation but it will only get worse unless you take care of it NOW. The rewards of the whole process alone are worth it.
My budgeting skills have gotten pretty decent. This past weekend my husband and I went to the cellphone shop to get my second son a kids mobile. My husband has been on my case about replacing his deteriorating phone with an iphone. I have stuck to my guns and told him to show me the numbers about how it will effect the phone bill. So finally, with both of us at the shop I told the assistant our situation that soon we will have 4 cellphones and he wants an iPhone but I don't want to increase my expenses. She sat down and went through our current package and usage amounts. Long story short, I left with a happy husband with an iPhone, happy kid with his very own mobile and happy me with a phone bill that will be reduced about 50bucks a month...bonus, she informed me it will decrease 25 bucks more in November, oh and bonus bonus I won a Nintendo 3DS while there ( but I sold it to a friend because I am pretty strict about having one in the house).
One last story, in case I haven't convinced you to budget or reexamine your budget. I had a striking realization a couple of months back. I understand situations change but if I continue on the path I have been on ( meaning spending on what is important for us and budgeting and saving), I will retire with a million in cash, add in pensions and other stuff and we are looking okay plus all the years leading up will be filled with the travel and experiences we hold so important. We are a normal family with 3 kids who take various classes, we eat well, we vacation...we are far from deprived. Deprivation would probably give us an early retirement *lol*. That actually isn't my goal. My main goal is to live responsibly and reasonably so imagine my surprise when I looked at the books and realized that a million could be saved with minimal effort and absolutely no change to the lifestyle I have cultivated. As I said to my friend, If I can do it you can too and you can probably do it better.