There are many styles and techniques to teaching and coaching but 2 diametrically opposite methods are to focus on the weak points with humiliation vs to motivate by pouring on praise and focusing on strengths. Everyone reacts to things differently and to tell you the truth, I think there are strong downfalls to both. BUT there is the Montessori side of the happy happy motivation. My eldest son had experience with Montessori and I remember thinking, " What the hell, these teachers don't have any expressions on their face" and later it was explained to me that it was to cultivate the child's ability to appreciate what they are doing and strive because they want to strive.
So this brings me to this morning. 85-90 percent of the time, breakfast with my kids is the time that quickly starts pushing all the stress buttons. Heart pacing, steam coming out of my nose and ears, a voice that I cannot believe I can create comes out of me ( someone please call an exorcist). My youngest in particular, right now, is brutally slow to consume food during this time crunch time. I have spent so much time trying to get him to eat on time so no one is late for school and work. But if I just take a minute to think back to my oldest son who now eats with no problem, the older guy was even more difficult with breakfast. Some people are just not breakfast people. Anyhow, the last few days I have been very firm about giving no snacks to kids who do not consume a proper breakfast. I go to the point of popping the untouched food in the fridge and that will be the " snack" when they get home. I make it clear that a body needs its proper nutrition before we can add in those treats. Unfortunatly, it backfired a bit yesterday as a mother at the gymnastics club kept giving stuff to my youngest to eat. Anyhow, back to today. I have put my foot down so losing my cool is so unnecessary. We know we can't control other people so why do we try to control our kids to the extent we do? Speaking to them in a way that creates guilt and disappointment in us. I am not a proponent for letting children get away with stuff but when my reaction is causing turmoil inside of me, there has to be a solution.
I wonder if it is focusing on the small things I DO RIGHT. Those minuscule victories that are easy to pass by that is the key. The same song and dance unfolded this morning so even though I did nag a bit, my voice didn't rise. I knew where this was going. He knew the consequence...healthy feeding first, extras after. So I took a few deep breathes after the buzzer went off for the max time allowed before we were in danger of being late and I calmly saran wrapped the food and put it in the fridge. He seemed confused like he was expecting more. But I did it. Tomorrow morning, the goal is to nix the nagging. Just foot down. I know he will complain when his brother gets the cookie when he gets home but that is something he has has to deal with. I dealt with MY behavior this morning. I at least have this reminder that I once kept firm and calm. Perhaps it will be easier to recreate in future situations and I won't be having the victory just in the morning but all day long.
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